| The Gawick page where magick start! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I dedicate this page to my mother and the little girl of my sister who were kill in a accident...may they rest in peace. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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I'm Gawick and i'm 19. In this page you'll see things that i found on the net that interest me very much! Let say that it will be a melting pot of all i love. It will goes from magic to paranormal with a little bit of H.P.Lovecraft. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| SOME RITUALS THAT I KNOW. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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DAILY RITUAL. This is a ritual that I recently began doing every day. It makes me feel good, centers and balances me. Light a stick of incense. (Use whatever you have, or select a scent that appeals to you that day.) With a sweeping gesture, inscribe an upward-pointing pentacle in the air as you say, "With this incense I draw all that is fair." Then inscribe a downward-pointing pentacle in the same manner as you say, "With this incense I banish all that is negative." Move through your residence and repeat this wherever you feel you would like to do it. This ritual can be adapted in many ways. If I have a particular thought, special wish or issue, I include it - with the invoking pentacle or the banishing one, as the case may be. LADY SABRINA'S DAILY CANDLE RITUAL. As this candle is lit I honor Mother Earth As this candle burns I send healing As its scent fills the room I feel connected So mote it be. LOVE SPELLS. To mantain unconditional love Items : 1 white candle - 1 Pink candle - 1 Black candle - Incense Time : Every Full Moon, once a month. Ritual : Look at the Moon, then light the candles and say : "The kind Fates have blessed my home, the kind Fates have blessed my heart, the kind Fates have blessed my loved ones, I offer thanks with a humble heart I thank the Goddess for my life I thank the Goddess for my love I thank the Goddess for continued blessings already on their way. Blessed be !" To win the love Items : 2 red candles - 1 gold candle - Olive oil - Piece of white cloth Time : Full Moon night Ritual : Dress the candles with the oil, rubbing from center towards the bottom; then, from center to top. Place the candles accordingly : The gold candle is placed before you. One red candle at the right hand side, and the other red candle in front of the gold candle. Think of him and light the red and gold candles. Try to feel your love and power. Say : "Here is (the name of the person). This candle is him This flame burns as does his spirit I am my beloved's and the beloved is mine" Take the remainings when the candles are burned completely and wrap them in the cloth. Keep it in a safe place. A SPELL FOR LOVE. Items : 1 white candle and one in your favorite color - Two holders - Rose colored alter cloth A Piece of red chalk. Ritual : In the circle, ground and center. Meditate on all preconceived ideas you have about the perfect partner. You might have a certain person in mind for romance. Release the thought of that person (it would be most unethical to work magick to make a certain person love you and will put you in jeopardy by the law of return). Release all notions of what your perfect lover will look like, or do for a career, or even sound like. These are externals, and if you cling to them you may overlook mate simple because your mind was focoused on superficialities. When your mind is clear and open, hold the candle of your favorite color; this represents you. Meditate and then speak aloud all the qualities and energies you are willing to bring to an intimate relationship, such as "honesty, and the daily expression of affection, and good humor even in difficult times, ect.... Replace that candle on the alter and pick up the white one. This represents your ideal partner, whoever he or she may be. Speak aloud the essential qualities you desire in a mate , and ask Aphrodite to bring you together in this lifetime. Then place the two candles in their holders at oppisite ends of the alter. Draw a heart in the center with the red chalk, large enough for both candle holders. each day thereafter, meditate on the perfect loving relationship for a few minutes, and move the two candles an inch closer together. if you started on a new moon, then by the full moon, the candles should be touching in the middle of the heart. When they meet, draw two more hearts around the first one, raise energy by singing your favorite love song, (or singing with a recording of it) and charge the candles. So mote it be! SPELL TO PROTECT YOUR LOVE FROM ANOTHER. Note : DO NOT use this spell to "steal" another's boyfriend or girlfriend! Its purpose is to keep your mate from wandering, not to make someone else's wander. Items : 1 candle to represent yourself (in appropriate color) - 1 candle to represent your love (in appropriate color) - 1 candle to represent the third person (in appropriate coloror black) Sewing Needles - 1 Red Candle - Dragons Blood or other Protection Incense Ritual : Cast a proper circle before doing any magickal work. Inscribe the candle that represents you with your name. Inscribe the candle that represents your lover with his or her name. If the third persons name is known, inscribe the third candle with his or her name. If the name is unknown, you can inscribe "All Others". Annoint your candle and your lovers candle with any type of "Love" oil. Annoint the other person's candle with any type of "repelling" oil. On the candle representing the Other One, stick sewing needles throughout the candle where the letters are closed (ex: if there is a letter "o", place a needle through the "o"). Light this candle while concentrating all of the bad feelings this person has caused you. Place this candle in the upper right hand corner of your Altar. Rid yourself of the negative feelings you charged the third person's candle with, and light the Protection Incense. Visualize what you want to accomplish with this spell. Call upon the Goddess for protection over the lovers. Light the candle that respresents you and say "This candle is (name). Her/His love for (name) burns eternal as does this flame." Light your lovers candle from your candle and say : "This candle is (name). Her/His love for (name) burns eternal as does this flame." Light the Red candle from the Lover candle and say : "This candle represents (your name and her/his name)'s love for each other. No one shall make the other's eye wander. This candlebinds together (name and name) eternally in love. Their love for each other burns as does this flame." Let all candles burn down while concentrating on how much your lover loves you, and vice versa. Throw into the garbage the leftover wax and needles from the other person's candle. (after cooling) Put your leftover wax and your lovers leftover wax into a glass jar, seal it, and bury it within the Earth. Since this spell borders on the "mind rape" theory of taking away one's free will, it is best to get your lover's permission before preforming this spell. A BASIC LOVE SPELL. Items : 3 cords or strings (Pink, red, green) Ritual : Take the cords and braid them together. Firmly tie a knot near one end of the braid, thinking of your need for love. Next, tie another knot, and another until you have tied 7 knots. Wear or carry the cord with you until you find your love. After you have found him(her), keep the cord in a safe place or give it to one of the elements. LOVER'S SPELL. Items : 1 red candle - Lovers' oil - Lovers' incense Ritual : Dress the candle with the oil, while you burn the incense. Say the following incantation 3 times each night for five nights in a row : "I am possessed by burning love for this man, and this love comes to me from Apsaras, who is victorious ever. Let this man/woman yearn for me. Desire me, let his desire burn for me. Let this love come forth from the spirit and enter him. Let him desire me as nothing has been desired before. I love him, want him; he must feel the same desire for me. O spirit of the air, let him burn with love for me". SPELL TO ATTRACT A LOVER. Items : Laurel leaves - A Dying fire Ritual : Sit before a dying fire and gaze into it, clearing your mind of all but thoughts of your lover Have a small basket of laurel leaves between your knees. Keeping your gaze fixed on the fire, dip your left hand into the basket take out a handful of leaves, and toss them onto the fire. As they burst into flames, chant out loud : "Laurel leaves that burn in the fire, draw unto me my heart's desire" Wait until flames have died down, then repeat the action. Do it a 3rd time. FINANCIAL LUCK SPELLS. Candle Money Spell Items : 2 black or orange candles - Annointing Oil Start : Sunday - Thursday or Friday Ritual : Etch your name and the words money, wealth, riches and any other words of power along the sides of the candles. Oil the candles and light them. Grasp them firmly in your hands until you feel your pulse throbbing beneath your fingers. Project what you want, repeating : "These candles bring me wealth and richess" When done, extinguish with a snuffer. Re-light the candles every night until they are completely burned down. SEVEN CANDLES MONEY. Items : 7 green candles - 7 coins - gold jewels Time : New Moon Ritual : Place the 7 candles in a circle, and while you place a coin under each candle, chant : "Hear my verse Spirit of Fortune Bring the power, and command to drive the money to me!" Close your eyes while candles are burning and concentrate on your wish. Let them extinguish completely. Lucky Money Tools : Play paper money - 2 green candles - 1 white candle - 9 cloves - 1 nutmeg - Oil - A bill Ritual : Inscribe your name down the front of the white candle, using a twig from a green tree. On each green candle inscribe 3 $$$ signs. Dip your finger in the oil (if possible lucky oil) and rub it all over the candles repeating 9 times : "By the power of the elements, I empower you" Set the candles on a table where they won't be disturbed for 9 days. Put the white candle between two green candles. Surround the candles completely with the play money, reserving 2 large denomination bills. Sprinkle the cloves on top of the money. Wrap the whole nutmeg up in your real money, and place it in front of the candle with your name on it. Each day for 9 days burn the candle for 9 minutes. During this time, you should concentrate on your luck with money, how you will make the right desitions concerning money, etc. On the 9th day let the candles burn out completely while you concentrate on your petition. Take the real money unwrapped from the nutmeg, and give it to what you consider a good cause. Take all the equipment used in the spell in a safe place. At the end of 9 days you may discard the equipment by buring it. Keep the nutmeg in your purse or pocket as a good luck charm, and use the cloves in cooking when you want to feel specially lucky. MONEY MAGICK. Items : 1 colored candle according to your sign - 5 green candles - 1 gold candle - Olive oil - Incense - Altar candles Time : 3 days before Full Moon Ritual : Rub the candles with olive oil and salt starting at the center working to the ends, while you think what you want. Set the candles like this : Altar Candle Altar Candle Green(4) Green(2)+Gold Green(1) Red Green(3) Green(5) Light Altar candles and incense. Meditation is to be done. Light your candle and say : "This candle represents myself as it burns, so does my spirit." Light gold, think hard of attraction and say : "This candle represents attraction. It works for and with me." Light green candles in order thinking hard on money and say : "This candles represent the money which I desire. It is as much as I need, No more - No less." Light red candle, thinking of your need fulfilled. Say : "This candle represents the power and the command to drive the money to me." Pause a moment to reflect, then say : "As money is necessary to the fulfillment of our needs, so must we ever strive to obtain it. All should be earned or not relieved at all The need I have at present is intense. Draw the money to me. Let me find all that I need. Supplu, now, to meet my urgent want For it is said that the Gods will provide when surely there is a need Let all work for me Let me have sufficient Let me no longer have want." Think now of your needs fulfilled and having the money. Think of having it in your posession and Say : "This money now is mine, it fills my need I have recieved it safely and am happy Praise be the Gods for their goodness Ever is it thus, now all is well." Sit for 5' and let the candles and incense burn. Then you may extinguish the flames. The ritual should be repeated the next day, but before you start, move the 5 green candles and the red 2 inches to the left of the previous position. Repeat each day until green candle N�1 touches your candle and the gold. TO GAIN MONEY. Items : Cauldron - Silver coin Time : Full Moon Ritual : Fill the cauldron half full of water and drop the coin on it.Position the cauldron so that the light from the Moon shines into the water. Gently sweep your hands just above the surface, symbolically gathering the Moon's silver. While doing this, say : "Lovely Lady of the Moon Bring to me your wealth right soon Fill my hands with silver and gold All you can give, my purse can hold." Repeat 3 times. When finished, pour the water upon the Earth. FANARRIC MONEY SPELL. Items : Handful of dirt - Dried beans - Sugar - Silver coin - Bowl (preferable green) Ritual : Place the dirt in the bowl with the coin in the center of it. Put 9 dried beans in a semi-circle around the coin. Sit back and imagine a sphere of light. Ask your guardian angel for help. State the goal of the spell. Next, imagine all your needs fulfilled, meditate a little and say 3 times : "Womb of Earth Fertile craddle Bless me" Put the bowl in a safe place after closing the spell. Once money has come in, take the bowl and scatter it with its content and thank the Earth for her generosity. HOUSE PROTECTION. House Secure Spell Items : Athame Time : Eaning Moon, as close to New Moon as possible. Ritual : Raise athame in salute to the Goddess and God, asking their assistance in your "house cleaning". Now, begining at the front door, walk throughout your home clockwise. At each window, door or other opening, make an invoking pentagram with your athame. You may chant : "Lord and Lady of the day, keep all harma far away, Set your guard ever near, let no evil enter here" After you have gone through your entire living space, visualize the 3D outline of your home being completely made of and sealed with white light. Thank the Lady and the lord for their aid. Protection Bottle Spell. Items : 1 bottle with cork - 1 cup salt - 3 cloves garlic - 9 bay leaves - 7 tbsp. dried basil - 4 tbsp. dill seeds - 1 tbsp. sage - 1 tbsp. anise - 1 tbsp. black pepper - 1 tbsp. fennel Time : Morning of a sunny day Ritual : Place the salt in a bowl and say : "Salt that protects, protect my home and all within it" Add the rest, one by one saying the same words. Mix together with your hands, lending energy. Visualize your home as a shining, safe, secure place of sanctuary. Put the mixture in the jar. Seal and say : "Salt and herbs, 9 times 9 Guard now this home of mine" Keep the jar in a safe place or as an ornament. Removal of a Spell. Spell 1 Items : 3 cloves of garlic - water Ritual : With water, grind the garlic into a paste. Rub the paste on the souls of the afflicted person's shoes, and on the front step of his(her) home. Create a blessing with the Sun retribution Symbol invoking enlightment and clarity. This will negate earth spells. Spell 2 Items : Oil - 1 white candle - 1 black candle Time : First Saturday after Full Moon or on a Full Moon Ritual : Rub and light the candles, saying : "On the Eve of ( ) I cast a spell And the effect I created I must now quell. Specifically ( ) May this spell be lifted And I now be gifted specifically with ( )" To break the powers of a spell (against you) Items : 1 large black candle - Cauldron or large black bowl Ritual : Place the candle in the bowl, affixing it with droppings of another black candle. The candle should be tall enough to extend a few inches above the rim. Fill the cauldron to the rim with fresh water, without welling the candle's wick. Deep breathe meditate, clear your mind and light the candle. Visualize the suspected spell's power as residing within the candles flame. Sit in quiet contemplation of the candle and visualize the power flowing and growing within the candle's flame. As the candle burns down, its flame will eventually sputter and go out as it contacts the water. As soon as the flame has been extinguished by the water, the spell will be dispersed. See the spell power explode into dust. Pour water in a hole in the ground and bury the candle. Binding Spells. Binding spells are a last resort only, and should be rarely be used. If you have tried every protection, cleansing and shield spells, and you try with a mirror to send the attack bak and this fails as well, it's time to do a binding spell. A good binding spell should be irreversible, so, be absolutely sure you have tried everything and there's nothing else to do. When you perform a binding spell, it can be helpful to add something like : "I banish you from my life forever and from all my lives past, present and future!" OTHERS SPELL TO FIND A JOB. Items : 1 green candle - 1 black candle - Small jar - Nutmeg - Good luck oil - Banishing oil - Rune for good fortune - Stone - A piece of paper with your perfect job described on it. Time : Waxing Moon Ritual : Cast the Circle, Invoke the Gods, and anoint the black candle with banishing oil and light it while you visualize all your obstacles falling away, and say : "Bad luck flees, obstacles fall, My path is clear, Heed my call" Anoint the green candle with lucky oil and say : "Good luck is mine and prosperity Help me Great Ones, come to me Opportunity and rewards I see As I will, So mote it be" Meditate on the job you want as you gaze into the candle's flame. Still in the circle, fill your good luck jar with the herbs, stone, note and rune figure. Seal the jar with this words : "Earth-born stone of brilliant hue hearken to my deep desire amidst the candle's radiant fire Herbs of luck, prosperity heed my call and bring to me a better job, new opportunity As I will, so mote it be !" Shake the jar, seal it with a kiss and place it back on the Altar. Ground and center, thank the God and Goddess and close the Circle. Each morning after, hold the jar while saying : "God and Goddess Hear as I pray Let good fortune come my way send me luck, prosperity in my job search, So mote it be !" Shake the jar a few times, seal it with a kiss and replace it on the Altar. LUCK IN BUSINESS SPELL.(Voodoo) Items : 3 grains of salt - handkerchief Ritual : Before going to an interview, place the salt in the handkerchief in your pocket. As oon as you can, throw the salt into the North corner of the room. Within 3 days, you will have the job. ATTRACT CUSTUMERS.(Voodoo) Items : Sugar - Sulphure - Controlling or compelling Incense Ritual : Get up early and burn a mixture of sugar and sulphure and appropriate incense. As the sun rises, look to the East and pray for customers to be drawn to you. OVERCOMING DEPRESSION SPELL. Items : Protection Incense (herbs or oils work fine also) - Yellow 8" Taper Candle Ritual : It is best to find a work area that you can leave untouched for three days. If you must put away your tools, try to at least keep your spell candle out in the open. Prepare your work area by setting up any tools you may use. While setting up your area, CONCENTRATE on the purpose of your work. Imagine how good it feels to be happy. Do not let negative thoughts enter your mind! Just prior to your work, bathe in purification herbs, or with your favorite bath salts. While you are bathing, concentrate again on the purpose of your spell. Again, do not let negative thoughts enter your mind. After bathing, go to your work area. Cast a circle and light your incense. Envision a large, yellow ball of light surrounding you and your work area. Hold the yellow candle between the palms of your hands and direct all of your positive energy into the candle. Place the candle in its candle holder. Prior to lighting the candle, say, (either aloud, or to yourself) : "This candle represents the love and energy I have for myself" Light the candle and say (either aloud or to yourself) : "As I light this candle, the veil of darkness that is ever present in my mind is lifting. The darkness ceases to exist as the light of this flame glows. Long has the darkness filled my mind, my desire to be happy is intense like the heat of fire. As this candle burns, my spirits are lifting and the negative energy is washing away. I will be happy, my life will be peaceful. I can see myself as I wish to be-happy and free!" Sit back and watch the candle burn. Meditate on how good if feels to be happy and envision the veil of darkness lifting. When the candle had burned 1/3 of the way, say: "As the flame of the candle is extinguished-the light burns forever in my mind" And wave the candle out. Repeat this for two more nights. On the last night, after the candle has burned away and the leftover wax has cooled-throw away the leftover wax into to trash and envision your depression being thrown away with the wax. You will overcome your depression! FLYING OINTMENT. Note : The notorious "Witches Flying Ointment," a dangerous herbal concoction producing psychedelic effects, was said to be used by Witches in the Middle Ages. It consisted mainly of parsley, hemlock, water of aconite, poplar leaves, soot, bat's blood, deadly nightshade (or belledonna), Henbane and Hashish. (Of course, Witches didn't really fly; however, the ointment did induce incredible hallucinations, psychic visions and astral projections.) The following is a modern Witch's flying ointment recipe. It is safer to use and much easier to concoct: Items : 1/4 cup lard - 1/2 tsp clove oil - 1 tsp chimney soot - 1/4 tsp dried cinquefoil 1/4 tsp dried mugwort - 1/4 tsp dried thistle - 1/4 dried vervain - 1/2 tsp benzoin tincture Prep. : Using a mortar and pestle, crush the dried herbs until almost powdered. In a small cauldron or saucepan, heat the lard over a low flame until it is melted completely. Add the herbs, the clove oil and chimney soot to the lard base and mix well. Add the benzoin as a natural preservative, stir together clockwise and then simmer for ten to fifteen minutes. Strain it through cheesecloth into a small heat resistant container and then allow it to cool. Store it in your refrigerator or in a cool dark place until it is ready to be used. On a night of the Full Moon, anoint your temples and Third Eye with a small amount of the flying ointment prior to astral projection or dream magick. NOTE: For external use only! PURPLE LIGHT SPELL -for progress and ambition- Items : 1 Purple Candle. Ritual : Purple promotes ambition, progress, power, and strengthens will- power. As you light the candle, repeat : "This light is burning to help me gain and achieve (wish). It's protest is small but holds great power. For only it can push this power up into the Loving Hands of the Goddess. I am, like this candle, small, but my intentions and ambitions are big, and with perseverance, I will get there. Goddess, help me achieve this. So mote it be" Focus your energy on the flame. Think of all your ambitions and dreams. Imagine the flame being pushed up into the hands of the Goddess. Visualize the Goddess receiving all your energy. Imagine you can see your energy being pulled into the flame. As your energy is soaked into the flame, imagine it turning purple. The more energy soaked in the deeper and stronger the purple gets. Imagine a long purple ribbon flowing out of the flame and into the hands of the Goddess. SAFE TRAVEL SPELL. Items : Mint - Small moonstone Time : Waxing Moon - Weekends Ritual : Place a fresh mint leave in a wallet, purse or briefcase wrapped around a small moonstone or your sign stone as a lucky charm. (This encourages prosperity too). | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| NOW SOME HPL!!! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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"The Outsider" by H.P. Lovecraft | Unhappy is he to whom the memories of childhood bring only fear and sadness. Wretched is he who looks back upon lone hours in vast and dismal chambers with brown hangings and maddening rows of antique books, or upon awed watches in twilight groves of grotesque, gigantic, and vine-encumbered trees that silently wave twisted branches far aloft. Such a lot the gods gave to me - to me, the dazed, the disappointed; the barren, the broken. And yet I am strangely content and cling desperately to those sere memories, when my mind momentarily threatens to reach beyond to the other. I know not where I was born, save that the castle was infinitely old and infinitely horrible, full of dark passages and having high ceilings where the eye could find only cobwebs and shadows. The stones in the crumbling corridors seemed always hideously damp, and there was an accursed smell everywhere, as of the piled-up corpses of dead generations. It was never light, so that I used sometimes to light candles and gaze steadily at them for relief, nor was there any sun outdoors, since the terrible trees grew high above the topmost accessible tower. There was one black tower which reached above the trees into the unknown outer sky, but that was partly ruined and could not be ascended save by a well-nigh impossible climb up the sheer wall, stone by stone. I must have lived years in this place, but I cannot measure the time. Beings must have cared for my needs, yet I cannot recall any person except myself, or anything alive but the noiseless rats and bats and spiders. I think that whoever nursed me must have been shockingly aged, since my first conception of a living person was that of somebody mockingly like myself, yet distorted, shrivelled, and decaying like the castle. To me there was nothing grotesque in the bones and skeletons that strewed some of the stone crypts deep down among the foundations. I fantastically associated these things with everyday events, and thought them more natural than the coloured pictures of living beings which I found in many of the mouldy books. From such books I learned all that I know. No teacher urged or guided me, and I do not recall hearing any human voice in all those years - not even my own; for although I had read of speech, I had never thought to try to speak aloud. My aspect was a matter equally unthought of, for there were no mirrors in the castle, and I merely regarded myself by instinct as akin to the youthful figures I saw drawn and painted in the books. I felt conscious of youth because I remembered so little. Outside, across the putrid moat and under the dark mute trees, I would often lie and dream for hours about what I read in the books; and would longingly picture myself amidst gay crowds in the sunny world beyond the endless forests. Once I tried to escape from the forest, but as I went farther from the castle the shade grew denser and the air more filled with brooding fear; so that I ran frantically back lest I lose my way in a labyrinth of nighted silence. So through endless twilights I dreamed and waited, though I knew not what I waited for. Then in the shadowy solitude my longing for light grew so frantic that I could rest no more, and I lifted entreating hands to the single black ruined tower that reached above the forest into the unknown outer sky. And at last I resolved to scale that tower, fall though I might; since it were better to glimpse the sky and perish, than to live without ever beholding day. In the dank twilight I climbed the worn and aged stone stairs till I reached the level where they ceased, and thereafter clung perilously to small footholds leading upward. Ghastly and terrible was that dead, stairless cylinder of rock; black, ruined, and deserted, and sinister with startled bats whose wings made no noise. But more ghastly and terrible still was the slowness of my progress; for climb as I might, the darkness overhead grew no thinner, and a new chill as of haunted and venerable mould assailed me. I shivered as I wondered why I did not reach the light, and would have looked down had I dared. I fancied that night had come suddenly upon me, and vainly groped with one free hand for a window embrasure, that I might peer out and above, and try to judge the height I had once attained. All at once, after an infinity of awesome, sightless, crawling up that concave and desperate precipice, I felt my head touch a solid thing, and I knew I must have gained the roof, or at least some kind of floor. In the darkness I raised my free hand and tested the barrier, finding it stone and immovable. Then came a deadly circuit of the tower, clinging to whatever holds the slimy wall could give; till finally my testing hand found the barrier yielding, and I turned upward again, pushing the slab or door with my head as I used both hands in my fearful ascent. There was no light revealed above, and as my hands went higher I knew that my climb was for the nonce ended; since the slab was the trapdoor of an aperture leading to a level stone surface of greater circumference than the lower tower, no doubt the floor of some lofty and capacious observation chamber. I crawled through carefully, and tried to prevent the heavy slab from falling back into place, but failed in the latter attempt. As I lay exhausted on the stone floor I heard the eerie echoes of its fall, hoped when necessary to pry it up again. Believing I was now at prodigious height, far above the accursed branches of the wood, I dragged myself up from the floor and fumbled about for windows, that I might look for the first time upon the sky, and the moon and stars of which I had read. But on every hand I was disappointed; since all that I found were vast shelves of marble, bearing odious oblong boxes of disturbing size. More and more I reflected, and wondered what hoary secrets might abide in this high apartment so many aeons cut off from the castle below. Then unexpectedly my hands came upon a doorway, where hung a portal of stone, rough with strange chiselling. Trying it, I found it locked; but with a supreme burst of strength I overcame all obstacles and dragged it open inward. As I did so there came to me the purest ecstasy I have ever known; for shining tranquilly through an ornate grating of iron, and down a short stone passageway of steps that ascended from the newly found doorway, was the radiant full moon, which I had never before seen save in dreams and in vague visions I dared not call memories. Fancying now that I had attained the very pinnacle of the castle, I commenced to rush up the few steps beyond the door; but the sudden veiling of the moon by a cloud caused me to stumble, and I felt my way more slowly in the dark. It was still very dark when I reached the grating - which I tried carefully and found unlocked, but which I did not open for fear of falling from the amazing height to which I had climbed. Then the moon came out. Most demoniacal of all shocks is that of the abysmally unexpected and grotesquely unbelievable. Nothing I had before undergone could compare in terror with what I now saw; with the bizarre marvels that sight implied. The sight itself was as simple as it was stupefying, for it was merely this: instead of a dizzying prospect of treetops seen from a lofty eminence, there stretched around me on the level through the grating nothing less than the solid ground, decked and diversified by marble slabs and columns, and overshadowed by an ancient stone church, whose ruined spire gleamed spectrally in the moonlight. Half unconscious, I opened the grating and staggered out upon the white gravel path that stretched away in two directions. My mind, stunned and chaotic as it was, still held the frantic craving for light; and not even the fantastic wonder which had happened could stay my course. I neither knew nor cared whether my experience was insanity, dreaming, or magic; but was determined to gaze on brilliance and gaiety at any cost. I knew not who I was or what I was, or what my surroundings might be; though as I continued to stumble along I became conscious of a kind of fearsome latent memory that made my progress not wholly fortuitous. I passed under an arch out of that region of slabs and columns, and wandered through the open country; sometimes following the visible road, but sometimes leaving it curiously to tread across meadows where only occasional ruins bespoke the ancient presence of a forgotten road. Once I swam across a swift river where crumbling, mossy masonry told of a bridge long vanished. Over two hours must have passed before I reached what seemed to be my goal, a venerable ivied castle in a thickly wooded park, maddeningly familiar, yet full of perplexing strangeness to me. I saw that the moat was filled in, and that some of the well-known towers were demolished, whilst new wings existed to confuse the beholder. But what I observed with chief interest and delight were the open windows - gorgeously ablaze with light and sending forth sound of the gayest revelry. Advancing to one of these I looked in and saw an oddly dressed company indeed; making merry, and speaking brightly to one another. I had never, seemingly, heard human speech before and could guess only vaguely what was said. Some of the faces seemed to hold expressions that brought up incredibly remote recollections, others were utterly alien. I now stepped through the low window into the brilliantly lighted room, stepping as I did so from my single bright moment of hope to my blackest convulsion of despair and realization. The nightmare was quick to come, for as I entered, there occurred immediately one of the most terrifying demonstrations I had ever conceived. Scarcely had I crossed the sill when there descended upon the whole company a sudden and unheralded fear of hideous intensity, distorting every face and evoking the most horrible screams from nearly every throat. Flight was universal, and in the clamour and panic several fell in a swoon and were dragged away by their madly fleeing companions. Many covered their eyes with their hands, and plunged blindly and awkwardly in their race to escape, overturning furniture and stumbling against the walls before they managed to reach one of the many doors. The cries were shocking; and as I stood in the brilliant apartment alone and dazed, listening to their vanishing echoes, I trembled at the thought of what might be lurking near me unseen. At a casual inspection the room seemed deserted, but when I moved towards one of the alcoves I thought I detected a presence there - a hint of motion beyond the golden-arched doorway leading to another and somewhat similar room. As I approached the arch I began to perceive the presence more clearly; and then, with the first and last sound I ever uttered - a ghastly ululation that revolted me almost as poignantly as its noxious cause - I beheld in full, frightful vividness the inconceivable, indescribable, and unmentionable monstrosity which had by its simple appearance changed a merry company to a herd of delirious fugitives. I cannot even hint what it was like, for it was a compound of all that is unclean, uncanny, unwelcome, abnormal, and detestable. It was the ghoulish shade of decay, antiquity, and dissolution; the putrid, dripping eidolon of unwholesome revelation, the awful baring of that which the merciful earth should always hide. God knows it was not of this world - or no longer of this world - yet to my horror I saw in its eaten-away and bone-revealing outlines a leering, abhorrent travesty on the human shape; and in its mouldy, disintegrating apparel an unspeakable quality that chilled me even more. I was almost paralysed, but not too much so to make a feeble effort towards flight; a backward stumble which failed to break the spell in which the nameless, voiceless monster held me. My eyes bewitched by the glassy orbs which stared loathsomely into them, refused to close; though they were mercifully blurred, and showed the terrible object but indistinctly after the first shock. I tried to raise my hand to shut out the sight, yet so stunned were my nerves that my arm could not fully obey my will. The attempt, however, was enough to disturb my balance; so that I had to stagger forward several steps to avoid falling. As I did so I became suddenly and agonizingly aware of the nearness of the carrion thing, whose hideous hollow breathing I half fancied I could hear. Nearly mad, I found myself yet able to throw out a hand to ward of the foetid apparition which pressed so close; when in one cataclysmic second of cosmic nightmarishness and hellish accident my fingers touched the rotting outstretched paw of the monster beneath the golden arch. I did not shriek, but all the fiendish ghouls that ride the nightwind shrieked for me as in that same second there crashed down upon my mind a single fleeting avalanche of soul-annihilating memory. I knew in that second all that had been; I remembered beyond the frightful castle and the trees, and recognized the altered edifice in which I now stood; I recognized, most terrible of all, the unholy abomination that stood leering before me as I withdrew my sullied fingers from its own. But in the cosmos there is balm as well as bitterness, and that balm is nepenthe. In the supreme horror of that second I forgot what had horrified me, and the burst of black memory vanished in a chaos of echoing images. In a dream I fled from that haunted and accursed pile, and ran swiftly and silently in the moonlight. When I returned to the churchyard place of marble and went down the steps I found the stone trap-door immovable; but I was not sorry, for I had hated the antique castle and the trees. Now I ride with the mocking and friendly ghouls on the night-wind, and play by day amongst the catacombs of Nephren-Ka in the sealed and unknown valley of Hadoth by the Nile. I know that light is not for me, save that of the moon over the rock tombs of Neb, nor any gaiety save the unnamed feasts of Nitokris beneath the Great Pyramid; yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men. This I have known ever since I stretched out my fingers to the abomination within that great gilded frame; stretched out my fingers and touched a cold and unyielding surface of polished glass. NYARLATHOTEP Nyarlathotep... the crawling chaos... I am the last... I will tell the audient void... I do not recall distinctly when it began, but it was months ago. The general tension was horrible. To a season of political and social upheaval was added a strange and brooding apprehension of hideous physical danger; a danger widespread and all-embracing, such a danger may be imagined only in the most terrible phantasms of the night. I recall that the people went about with pale and worried faces, and whispered warnings and prophecies which no one dared consciously repeat or acknowledge to himself that he had heard. A sense of monstrous guilt was upon the land, and out of the abysses between the stars swept chill currents that made men shiver in dark and lonely places. There was a demoniac alteration in the sequence of the seasons - the autumn heat lingered fearsomely, and everyone felt that the world and perhaps the universe had passed from the control of known gods or forces to that of gods or forces which were unknown. And it was then that Nyarlathotep came out of Egypt. Who he was, none could tell, but he was of the old native blood and looked like a Pharaoh. The fellahin knelt when they saw him, yet could not say why. He said he had risen up out of the blackness of twenty-seven centuries, and that he had heard messages from places not on this planet. Into the lands of civilisation came Nyarlathotep, swarthy, slender, and sinister, always buying strange instruments of glass and metal, and combining them into instruments yet stranger. He spoke much of the sciences - of electricity and psychology - and gave exhibitions of power which sent his spectators away speechless, yet which swelled his fame to exceeding magnitude. Men advised one another to see Nyarlathotep, and shuddered. And where Nyarlathotep went, rest vanished, for the small hours were rent with the screams of nightmare. Never before had the screams of nightmare been such a public problem; now the wise men almost wished they could forbid sleep in the small hours, that the shrieks of cities might less horribly disturb the pale, pitying moon as it glimmered on green waters gliding under bridges, and old steeples crumbling against a sickly sky. I remember when Nyarlathotep came to my city - the great, the old, the terrible city of unnumbered crimes. My friend had told me of him, and of the impelling fascination and allurement of his revellations, and I burned with eagerness to explore his uttermost mysteries. My friend had said they were horrible and impressive beyond my most fevered imaginings; and what was thrown on a screen in the darkened room prophesied things none but Nyarlathotep dared prophesy, and in the sputter of his sparks there was taken from men that which had never been taken before yet which shewed only in the eyes. And I heard it hinted abroad that those who knew Nyarlathotep looked upon sights which others saw not. It was in the hot autumn that I went through the night with the restless crowds to see Nyarlathotep; through the stifling night and up the endless stairs into the choking room. And shadowed on a screen, I saw hooded forms amoung ruins, and yellow evil faces peering from behind fallen monuments. And I saw the world battling against blackness; against the waves of destruction from ultimate space; whirling, churning, struggling around the dimming, cooling sun. Then the sparks played amazingly around the heads of the spectators, and hair stood on end whilst shadows more grotesque than I can tell came out and squatted on the heads. And when I, who was colder and more scientific than the rest, mumbled a trembling protest about "imposture" and "static electricity," Nyarlathotep drove us all out, down the dizzy stairs into the damn, hot, deserted midnight streets. I screamed aloud that I was not afraid; that I never could be afraid; and others screamed with me for solace. We swore to one another that the city was exactly the same. and still alive; and when the electric lights began to fade we cursed the company over and over again, and laughed at the queer faces we made. I believe we felt something coming down from the greenish moon, for when we began to depend on its light we drifted into curious involuntary marching formations and seemed to know our destinations though we dared not think of them. Once we looked at the pavement we found the blocks loose and displaced by grass, with scarce a line of rusted metal to shew where the tramways had run. And again we saw a tram-car, lone, windowless, dilapidated, and almost on its side. When we glazed around the horizon, we could not find the third tower by the river, and noticed that the silhouette of the second tower was ragged at the top. Then we split up into narrow columns, each of which seemed drawn in a different direction. One disappeared in a narrow alley to the left, leaving only the echo of a shocking moan. Another filed down a weed-choked subway entrance, howling with a laughter that was mad. My own column was sucked toward the open country, and presently I felt a chill which was not of the hot autumn; for as we stalked out on the dark moor, we beheld around us the hellish moon-glitter of evil snows. Trackless, inexplicable snows, swept asunder in one direction only, where lay a gulf all the blacker for its glistening walls. The column seemed very thin indeed as it plodded dreamily into the gulf. I lingered behind, for the black rift in the green-litten snow was frightful, and I thought I had heard the reverberations of a disquieting wail as my companions vanished; but my power to linger was slight. As if beckoned by those who had gone before, I half-floated between the titanic snowdrifts, quivering and afraid, into the sightless vortex of the unimaginable. Screamingly sentient, dumbly delirious, only the gods that were can tell. A sickened, sensitive shadow writhing in hands that are not hands, and whirled blindly past ghastly midnights of rotting creation, corpses of dead worlds with sores that were cities, charnel winds that brush the pallid stars and make them flicker low. Beyond the worlds vague ghosts of monstrous things; half-seen columns of unsanctified temples that rest on nameless rocks beneath space and reach up to the dizzy vacua above the spheres of light and darkness. And through this revolting graveyard of the universe the muffled, maddening beating of drums, and thin, monotonous whine of blasphemous flutes from inconceivable, unlightened chambers beyond Time; the detestable pounding and piping whereunto dance slowly, awkwardly, and absurdly the gigantic, tenebrous ultimate gods - the blind, voiceless, mindless gargoyles whose soul is Nyarlathotep.
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